As often happens, I get an ah-ha moment before or while talking with a client. Yesterday, I discovered a thought pattern that leads to many of my headaches. I was excited for me and for the new client that would benefit from this insight. Here it is…
If I’m asked to do something (and don’t really want to), I feel resentment followed by resignation as I say, “Fine. I’ll do it.” This is a pattern that I have had many times throughout my life as I try to accommodate and please others (especially those close to me).
Here’s the insight: The resignation and saying “Fine. I’ll do it.” leads to me being out of alignment with my inner desires. This shows up as my spine going out of alignment and leads to headaches. What this means is that when I do something that I don’t really want to do, a series of events is set off that leads to pain.
I traced back when this happened last week. I was at lunch and was asked to do something I didn’t want to do. After resigning myself to it, my body shut down. This showed up as withdrawing and craving more quiet time. Then for the next three days, I had a headache.
This was a huge ah-ha moment for me and I knew that it would directly impact my client today, which it did. This client has lots of pain throughout her body. As we talked, she revealed that just before the pain started she was feeling unusually confident and in this state of mind, she spoke up to her mother up about something important. As far as my client was concerned, she was just sharing her ideas. Her mother’s reply was, “My daughter will not speak to me like this again.” And if she didn’t apologize, then her mother would “never” speak to her again. She was out of alignment with her desire to stifle her words and to apologize.
The client then did what her mother wanted. The pain, which started in her throat, has been present since then, which is six years too long. When I asked her what she resented, this opened a new way of thinking for her. Before my insight of the correlation of resentment and pain, I might not have thought to ask this question.
So what do you do with an insight?
- Celebrate that you uncovered it.
- Look for other areas of your life that you’re saying, “Fine. I’ll do it.” (Or whatever the insight is for you.)
- Ask: What are you resenting?
- Ask: What else is possible? What can be different?
- Choose to stay in alignment with you. (If you like affirmations, something like: “I choose to be in alignment with me.”)
- Take an action to support this alignment.
When I did this process, I saw that a guest (who shall remain unnamed) leaves the toilet seat up after using the washroom. Usually, I don’t make a big deal about it and just lower the seat. This time, I realized that I had a low grade resentment as I thought about lowering it. Then, I got the idea to write a post-it note that said: “Please lower the toilet seat.” And stuck it onto the toilet. Guess what? He lowered it. And I didn’t feel resentment or resignation, and I was in alignment with my desires. My body was solid.
What are you holding onto that you could be letting go of? What insights are ripe for the discovery, if only you are willing to take a deeper look? It’s up to you to discover your life and what works for you and to make the choice to shift what doesn’t. Your life is YOUR life to live. So, live it in alignment with you.
(Finding ways to be in alignment with something you don’t want to do is next week’s blog.)