Hugs Melt Polarization

Judith Joy

Hugs Melt PolarizationThe vibration of the earth is rising. Good right? Overall, this is great. However, the path can be difficult.

Anytime the vibration rises, those with a lower vibration (victimhood, fear, grief, anger and such) have choices. They can rise, take responsibility for themselves and feel the yummy feelings of compassion, gratitude, peace, love, and joy. Or they can choose to check out.

However, what we are seeing in the news are those who choose neither of those two choices. They are choosing the third option, even if the choice is unconscious. They are playing in the drama trauma energy. They are holding on to “being right” instead of being inquisitive about what else is possible.

It’s just like when a kid says, “I’m angry.” And the parent says, “Shut up. Be quiet.” The kid speaks louder and repeats himself, and then the parent does the same. The volume escalates on both sides until there is an explosion. I experienced this firsthand.

When Shoshi was a teenager, she was having a very difficult day (in truth, her whole life was in turmoil). On that particular day, she didn’t like my choice to not pick up her friend at the train station, which is four blocks away. From my point of view, the weather was decent and she could walk to the station to meet her friend. After all, Shoshi was a big walker.

She was very upset and threatened to take my car. She had the keys in her hand. Keep in mind that she was 15 at the time and not driving.

For my part, I was interviewing someone and didn’t want to do the usual blow up that I could feel coming. I couldn’t think of what to do, so I gave her a hug. She melted in my arms. That was a powerful moment for both of us. (By the way, I hired the person and she is still working with us 17 years later, and if I remember correctly, the friend decided not to come. High vibe wins all the way around.)

The polarization in our country is similar to the parent-child tug of war. People on both sides of many issues are grasping at the rightness of their ideas. They are playing the victim card. On top of this, we are stuck in the political correctness mode. Some people express their ideas and are “permitted” to say what they feel, while others are criticized for expressing their ideas.

The solution is acceptance of another’s opinion or at least accepting that the other person has an opinion that is important to them. Combine this with curiosity about their viewpoint and responding with kindness and compassion. These are high vibes: acceptance, curiosity, kindness and compassion.

A kind approach embraces listening to others instead of lashing out, which happens when people aren’t listened to. Think of how different the parent-child conversation would be if both sides listened, were curious about the other’s feelings and thoughts, and treated the other with kindness and compassion. They wouldn’t reach the point of exploding. And from there we can have true change.

What to do? Give a virtual hug. Take a deep breath. Then listen with curiosity. Not “I see your mouth is moving and I’m waiting to interject my story as soon as there is a moment of silence.” It’s not always easy, but it does bring ease to the conversation and allows the outcome to be better.

The next time you find yourself polarized from others, give them a real or virtual hug, take a deep breath and listen with curiosity. At the very least, you will feel better and from this place, you will be able to raise your vibration and have a better experience.

When people feel stuck, I help them get unstuck.


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