Mirroring to Better Relationships

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My husband and I just celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary. Each day seems long (after all those closest to us are mirrors for us to see the inner work we still need to do) and I’m constantly tweaking and growing. And still, the years have flown by quickly.

So, happy anniversary dear hubby.

What is this mirroring stuff?

Here’s how it works. The people around us know which buttons to push. And they are very good at it, even if they aren’t doing it consciously.

If something doesn’t bother us, then there isn’t any button to push. However, if something does bother us, you can bet there is a metaphorical button, and it’s flashing. And as long as we get bothered, someone will push it. This is known as mirroring. Something or someone on the outside of us show us what bothers us on the inside.

For example, Bruce and I had a recent spat. One of my buttons is that I don’t like to be ignored. While I’ve let go of 90% of this, I still have some energy there. Unconsciously, he pushes that button as when he gets stressed, he withdraws and pulls in. It looks like ignoring. And this bothers me.

What to do?

To begin with, I silently steamed. While this used to be a long time, now I have it down to about five minutes. Ideally, I’ll be able to skip this all together.

Then, I send him love to help him through the airwaves to ease the stress. It’s as simple as feeling the love and pitching an imaginary ball of love to him. Even if he doesn’t know I did it, things improve.

And next, I think about what I would like to happen. This is defining the intention. I’d like to have a greater connection with him.

The next step is easy. Let it all go. That’s right. I don’t have to fix him. The idea is that I choose to be high vibe no matter what. And this means that however he chooses to act, I’m going to remain high vibe.

I’d love to say that I’m great at letting it go. However, I still have imaginary conversations with him thinking of ways to say what I want in a way that he can hear it. Unfortunately, before I was done with this, he asked me if I was mad at him. I was literally just eating dinner and watching the squirrels and skunk at the bird feeder outside the kitchen porch.
I was tired after a week with the grandkids. I didn’t perceive that I was mad. On the plus side, I didn’t have to bring it up. He did. And this provided the opening to talk. I was calm, sort of. Could I have been better? Sure.

The point is that I was bothered by something (being ignored). Someone in my life mirrored that to me (by ignoring me). Button pushed.

Will we ever be free of these buttons? Most people probably won’t. And yet, some will. These people will be the ones that have done the internal work to increase their awareness and acceptance, decrease what bothers them and any judgments about it, and be the high vibe no matter what. That’s what I strive for.

Bruce, thank you for being the mirror for me and showing me where I still have glitches that I can clear up to truly be high vibe no matter what. I love you! And I’m looking forward to the next year together. Maybe by our next anniversary this button will be a distant memory. That’s my intention. (And to have an even stronger connection.)

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