“What works in your relationships that work?”
My assistant asked me this and it was a shocker. I’d never thought about it, and as we discussed what works, I started to see a pattern. With those I was close with, they had most of the qualities I valued. Some fringe friends had fewer. And my best friends, had all the qualities.
The next question was, “What doesn’t work for you with any friends who have fallen by the wayside?” This gave us new insights and helped me realize where these relationships fell apart.
After a few hours of discussing and tweaking the exact wording, we came up with a list of 14 qualities I value in a friendship. This is my “Ideal Relationship” list.
Then my assistant asked, “If these are what works for you in your relationships, what works for you with the clients that work?”
This was another shocker. The lists were the same — although how each quality shows up is different depending on the type of relationship it is. And then we realized that it was no wonder that I’d been pulling away from clients. I’d been willing to accept clients who weren’t ideal for me.
And this list wasn’t the typical marketing list. It was about how the people I like working with act. It wasn’t if they were men or women in a certain age category who like specific things, which are typically how we are told to define our clients.
The time spent asking questions and discussing various ways to succinctly write the qualities that I value in all my relationships was truly valuable. I know what my dream clients act like and what I value in the relationship. In addition, I know how I’d like to show up for the clients.
So, what happened? Doing nothing more than discussing the possibilities and writing the list, an existing client stepped up and fulfilled more of the ideal qualities I’d identified, a random person asked for a session, and my relationship with Bruce (my husband) got better overnight.
If this works for relationships, I figured it would work for other things also. My best friend was trying to sell her house. We started an “Ideal Buyer” list. After our phone call, she continued the list and kept adjusting her energy until it was totally in alignment. In other words, her heart agreed with what her brain was telling her. And guess what? She sold the house in less than 24 hours.
Instantaneous changes may not happen with everyone. Stay open to the changes happening when and how they happen. It may even be better than you could have imagined.
Below is my list. The list is still evolving and not written in stone.
A specific quality will show up differently for different types of relationships. For example, my husband having a mutual exchange with me may be talking together during dinner and for a client it will be paying for a session.
Use my list as a jumping off point for your list. Take what works for you and make up the rest. It’s all about what works and what doesn’t work.
My Ideal Relationship/Client List
- Invest time in me and the process
- Appreciate me
- Finds value in what I say
- Has a positive impact
- Considerate, kind, sharing
- Mutuality – There is an exchange
- What I share is received with care and interest
- Willing to contribute to the relationship
- Interacts with me
- I matter (Demonstration of caring and Awareness of my needs)
- Willingness to change and grow
- Dependable (Follow through and Trustworthy)
- Accepts personal responsibility for their part in everything in their lives
- And all this goes both ways.