Yes With Joy

As a kid, JT (now 25) was president of the Moan and Groan Club.  He used to complain a lot.  But last week at lunch, we were reminiscing and I mentioned this.  The kids cracked up laughing.  I didn’t get it.  Their minds went sexual because the previous thread of comments had been about sex.  This new perspective was a whole different way of looking at this simple comment.

Then I realized that JT’s perspective had changed also.  Two weeks ago, he started an internship at an elite fitness training facility with high school, college, and pro athletes.  At first he complained that he wasn’t getting paid because it was an internship and all he did was clean the gym and lift 45 pound weights all day.  But then I could see the light switch flip on in his head.

He has his dream job – doing strength and conditioning with pro athletes.  This is what he’s always wanted to do.  He set himself up for this by becoming a massage therapist, majoring in kinesiology (exercise) in college, competing in college level wrestling, and coaching high school wrestling for many years.  And here he is with his first job out of college…his dream job.

Needless to say, he loves it.  They love him.  He is a powerful leader and has already been given more to do than the average intern.  He’s exercising all day.  He’s coaching.  He’s upbeat.  He loves going to work.  And by chance, they needed another massage therapist, and he can fill in (and get paid).

It’s great as a parent to see the light switch turn on in his head.  It makes all the difference in the world to change the perspective.  But now, he’s the president of the Moan and Groan Club for an entirely new reason.  He’s making these athletes moan and groan as they grunt and strive to be even better. He’s living his dream.

My car rolled.  Luckily, my sixteen year old, who was driving, walked away from the accident with a small scratch…literally.  He was of course shaken and sore, but he survived.  The people in the other two cars were fine, and I’m sure shaken.

I’m not telling you this to get sympathy.  I am, however, setting the stage to tell you how I reacted…cool, calm, and collected.  That’s right.  Because of all the internal work that I’ve done to neutralize my feelings, I was able to be totally present and not reactive.  I kept waiting for the reaction that I normally would have had…heart pounding, body shaking, massive migraine.  Instead, I could be  a loving mom.  (If I’m being totally honest, I did get a minor headache.  I guess I still have more internal balancing to do.)

Don’t think that just because I wasn’t a raving lunatic, that Adam got off without consequences.  We were able to discuss everything and he more than agreed with my decisions.  He took responsibility as an adult and has sworn off driving for now.

P.S.  Thank you Lexus for making a very safe car.  The outside of the car was destroyed, while the inside was intact.  Even the cds that were in the door that got hit were perfectly fine.  And thank you Chubb Insurance for being such a great company.

Here’s an idea for you…what if life is like a grapevine step?  (Think of two lines that come together, then go apart, then come together, then go apart, and keep repeating.)  The universe presents opportunities.  It is our choice to accept or reject them.  Then the universe re-presents the opportunities in a new way at later time.  Again, it is our choice to accept it or let it go by.

This was brought to my attention last night in one of those light bulbs going off in the head moments.  Last night connected with 37 years ago.

While watching an episode about hoarding on CSI, one of the characters talked about Erich Fromm, a psychoanalyst and philosopher (among other things). Fromm’s philosophy was that people fall into one of two camps…having or being.  He was talking about the hoarder as an extreme example of the having personality.

Fromm said, “If I am what I have and I lose what I have who then am I?”  So, someone coming from a having perspective thinks he has to hold on to his things to know who he is.  Whereas someone with the being personality (love, shared experiences and productive activity) can just be who he is, regardless of what he owns or possesses.

Well, the universe gave me the opportunity to learn this my first week of college with an assignment to read 50 pages of Erich Fromm. (Yes, I still remember this assignment.)  What I took away from it was that there was so much more homework in college than in high school, and the fact that I didn’t understand Fromm’s writings.

But the comment in the CSI episode peaked my interest as much of what I’ve been working on is moving to the being personality, so I did some research and found out that Fromm is actually very interesting and I’ve been studying his philosophy without even realizing it.

Now back to the grapevine.  I was presented with the opportunity to learn about being when I was 18.  However, because I wasn’t ready to accept the ideas, it came back around years later when I was ready to hear it and in fact the opportunity has been presented many times over the years as the grapevine came together.

I wonder how many other opportunities I’ve missed or didn’t recognize.  I wonder how my life would have been different if I’d picked up the opportunity all those years ago.  But then, everything is perfect.  It came around again when I was ready for it. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear…even if he appears in a CSI episode.